I could have done with wiping off what looks like mascara under one of my eyes (it literally looks like I have a droopy eye).. and I could have done with some makeup but you know what? I’m here and this is what I look like. That and I have the beginnings of a cold. I just now started eating super spicy food for dinner so hopefully the spices will continue to keep this cold from becoming official. That’s my theory thus far as to why I have beat what everyone has told me inevitable- a prophylactic pepto once/day and awesome spicy food!
There’s not much to say in words as I say it all in what feels like a rather long 11 minutes. It is a tad emotional but that is what it is right now so, so be it.
I chose the feature image above as this is one of the women who moved me.. Manta. To see the my 1st video diary click on the pic below:
1:11 pm.. It took 24 hours to upload this to youtube so there have been some developments. My mention at the end of the video about photographing a subject in Mumbai that had been confirmed but I couldn’t reach the woman I was going with?.. Today was the first day of what was to be a two day shoot and I have been unable to get in touch with her. Through the help of someone at her organization we are looking for a random person to go in with me for the day, probably tomorrow or the next. It was noted that I was dependent on the woman I was supposed to go with and I was instantly embarrassed – but it’s true! As we had made this plan together, even chosen the dates together, and she is close with the subject, I didn’t make a backup plan with a 3rd party who doesn’t know me or the interviewee. Going in on my own with someone who knows neither of us nor where we’re going- I’ll do it, but I am not ashamed to admit this isn’t how I would have planned it. IT is better than not doing it at all and I am eternally grateful for the help of the person tirelessly working to organize a new plan today but yes she was right, I am a dependent. I am just me and I am not the type who comes barreling into someone’s personal space regardless of comfort level of the subject (I met some of those types at NYFW- one in particular from a major news network- ick). Shit happens which is fine but my bells are going off loathing the idea that I am a dependent. I can’t imagine how elated I will be the day I get to do a project like this with backing- backing meaning a team of people, even two, each who take a piece of the puzzle and are each being paid for what they are doing. When I am not working with an organization directly I am paying individuals I have found through my contact base but I negotiated with every single one and that plus travel plus lodging (despite JGU being so generous with my first days gratis), the budget gets eaten up. Point being? I can’t afford to call up the local Mumbai film commission and say hey I need a great fixer/ translator who can look after me, my gear, get us in and out of XYZ location and translate.
Okay.. I clearly need to meditate. I went to bed last night listening to dharma talks re: renunciation. Clearly it didn’t take. The one thing I know to be true is however this works out is how the universe intended it to be. Letting go is something I could do better at especially when I absolutely believe this to be true- whatever options are available are available and whatever happens, happens. 🙂